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[06 Oct 2007|10:02am] this summer i feel like i found out who i hope to become. alex coming into my life was sitcom-timing perfect. the music we are playing is beyong what i could have possibly comprehended before california, at ft reno mentioning offhandedly to waleed that we should play music. thank god i ended up at ft reno that crazy night. now that i think about it, i barely ran into annie and sam on the metro, otherwise there might have been no band. no alex. but in all honesty, despite those major advances in my life, i would still be furfulled. i would be able to handle the loss of either, even both. before california, i wouldnt have been able to stand alone. knowing that, is all i really need to know now. last night he wrote down 11 days. i pretended not to know what he was talking about. but i cant beleive i found someone who actually cares about a one month. im falling for him so bad. post comment

[02 Jul 2007|09:13am] i saw two deer on my run yesterday. one jumped over the path about 15 feet in front of me. the other was drinking from the stream i was running with. it was an odd confrontation - i was 1% of civilization in 99% nature. it was quite beautiful. post comment

[03 Jun 2007|05:41pm] i get really depressed when i browse the internet for too long. i miss my old friendships. joe is dead, and thats all i can really say. im back to old habits which is satisfying. june 9-11: beach trip june 13th: feist june 16th: prom june 18th: opening day at ft reno june 20th: fuck school summer's almost here, rip joe, i could use more show weekends. post comment

[27 May 2007|08:34am] [ mood | ecstatic ] i dont use this much anymore, except to post some writing when im working on it both at school and home, but i had a moment that i had to express, you know. last night was incredible. only three of my friends showed up to my house. despite that i knew they all had weekends previously planned or just dont like shows, it just hammered in what ive been feeling lately but havent been able to pinpoint. i dont feel like i belong with my friends at hb alot of the time... there are moments when ill catch myself doing something that i would never do, like singing alot to avril's whiney new song or gossiping. but i dont want to be lonely, and its a great skill, learning how to befriend people no matter what. as long as there soul is in the right place, its not about what they listen to, or what they like to do on the weekends. it sounds corny but when i think about it, i cant express it any other way. thats the reason why i have different groups of friends. to cater to the different aspects of my personality. and last night i got to see ficken and marisa again, two people ive missed like hell, specifically ficken. i lost a good best friend in him recently, just because we live fucking 45 minutes away from each other and are both too whacked out most of the time to pick up a phone. what im trying to say is music is my thing - i love it. i will always trade in a show weekend for a party, for prom, for anything. but hb is my love, and im becoming a better person because of it. ive changed so much in the past couple of weeks, and im really fucking liking wherever it is im going. all i hope is that california will be as an amazing experience as living in arlington is, right now. 1 comment|post comment

[10 May 2007|07:56am] The snow danced around her head but didn’t settle. It just kept drifting and drifting… “I know what you want,” she smiled at me. “I know what you want. I know what you want.” She kept repeating it over and over and the snow kept drifting and drifting and the same people kept walking by, no one was new anymore, nothing surprised me and she kept smiling and nothing was flawed. “I know what you want,” she started to sigh it, as if she was waiting for me to ask because saying it put her in pain but she was under a curse of repeating, and repeating, and repeating, and repeating. “I know what you want! I know what you want!” She was close enough I could kiss her, I could kiss those bloody lips full of five word sentences and I could grab her by the hips and put a hand over her mouth and shut her up. I was close enough to take a pillow and muffle her until she would say “I ow hut voo int” and then she would shake and struggle and the snow would finally fall and cover her and no one would ask questions. No one would know because she didn’t exist. This snow didn’t exist. Did I exist? I tried to ask her but nothing came out. I started speaking in Arabic. I started speaking French. Anything I tried to say was misunderstood and I kept going in circles. It got so bad that I started to sweat - I was sweating in the below freezing weather and the snow still wouldn’t fall. It wasn’t coming and it wasn’t going. I had to say it, I had to give in. “What do I want then! What do I want?!” She changed her smile by one degree, and blinked her eyes for the first time, causing a pile of snow that had built up on her eyelashes to fall into my hand. “Well that’s just it now isn’t it,” and that mystery of a woman just gave me that same year old flawless smile and disappeared again. None of it was new. I hated every familiar inch of it. I woke up and sighed. I could feel the stick between my sheets. I grudgingly tore off the top layer and threw it on the floor. It can be washed later. It was still only 6 and today was my day off. I threw a good amount of angry words into the still air of my apartment until I felt better and then somewhere between then and when I woke up again, I fell back asleep. Tuesdays were my day off. At least, that was what I told myself when I put on two extra shirts and a hat and boots I only wore for shows and bad weather. And that was what I told myself when I stuck change into my guitar case to get people going. And that was what I told myself for the next 5 hours, playing guitar and singing ridiculous holiday songs and smiling at tourists and little kids when they played in a quarter, and playing a special song dedicated to each person who gave me bills. I also told myself that I was a sellout, a lousy sellout and that I would’ve beaten myself up had I run into my pathetic state a few years ago. And I told myself that today would be the last, that I would cash in the rest of the change to buy and amp and hook up my rusty electric and stop fooling myself. This is what I did every Tuesday on my day off. post comment

[03 Apr 2007|08:20pm] que pasa que pasa the little bird sang how low how low will the teenagers hang when the sun comes morning and pokes your head will you be dead? thats what they said feel good feel good the piggies lie porque porque why do you cry but when you open your eyes and nothing is there will you be scared? the membranes will tear libertad libertad the mushrooms take relax relax the sensiblilities fake crop circles forming in every backyard it's on holiday cards ignoring it's hard drop out drop out the city thinks para ti para ti for you they will drink someday all of our feelings will cease think about peace the urge will decrease derecha derecha the compass points up north up north is where i left my joints will you walk there to pick up my leftover legs I'll sit here and beg birthing chocolate eggs psst psst the woodpecker hums quieres quieres the malcontent drums when you're swimming do you realize that you're being torn down the beach in a storm the sea won't stay warm arriba y arriba the glowbugs go reach up reach up the children know when you felt your mother holding back tears did you cover your ears could you still hear the cheers make up make up the socialites groan piensa piensa the teachers moan when the fog comes up will you admit you're blind you'll just blame your mind it all takes time tratamos tratamos the hippies urge imagine imagine the war victims purge you were looking for imaginary friends in all corners and ends theres only the bends now now the politicians scream despues despues the crazies really mean they'll drain the water when your skin shrivels up sadpaper cuts and half empty cups resistan resistan the millions speak which sheet which sheet are you tye-dying bleak you can get a sweet shot for a buck or two it'll turn you blue we've learned to make do stop love stop love the virgins roar queremos queremos another war buy cratepaper to decorate graveyards in flight you'll become part of the night the life's alright millones millones by the millions dead lie down lie down let it seep through the bed when you're old and leafing through the history books how does it look with everything shook don't speak don't speak the dead limbs say todo todo the big bombs pray when the airplanes roar and we hide in our graves I want to be saved all of us crave carrera carrera the runners run bare feet bare feet in the bloody sun are you ready for the ultimate sin start giving in electricity wins supress them surpress them the TV tells seguimos seguimos the riot fell and your brother with his brick in his heavy hand and your lonely band voices sifting through sand cual tierra cual tierra the holy man asks good price good price the titans mask you show me mine and I'll show you yours it seeps through your pores don't save the whores a play a play the poets dream mas vino mas vino the rich will cream as the world is a stage and you break off wood fires are good it's lost in what would tiempo tiempo the church bells chime how long how long will the policemen dine when they were sitting there biting your hair you just took it and stared you weren't taught to care don't ask don't ask the dead spies creep !Dios Dios! the altar boys weep when abandonment is the only way out it's okay to doubt when you keep to the route negro y blanco the photos show red grass red grass the lawnmowers mow as we pick up our family tree do you love me? you did on TV father father how do you feel madre madre my skin won't peel I'm sheltered but the weatherman threatens to snow where do dead leaves go where does hatred grow entren entren the snickers laugh location location the college kids graph don't get stuck analyzing the lies eat too much pie get fat and then die revenge revenge the witches brew vamos vamos on the sailors crew underground is the new cool place to be don't you want to be free aren't you angry? oro oro the chemists breath more profit more profit the buisnessmen thieve the corner crack dealer has been kind of dry are you willing to try a new type of high? so tired so tired the kettle squeaks pero pero but why do clouds leak a pantsuit will flatter your high cheek bones as you answer the phones communicate in safe zones que paso que paso the children sigh you look you look ready to die and your mind is a sponge soaked with spit was it all worth the hit? it's just what you get post comment

[08 Feb 2007|05:30pm] I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore. I at least know that my few friends on here don't, but that's ok. I'm going to just start posting my writing up here, a place to keep it organized, a place that won't be lost. It's interesting to consider that if our Mother Earth suffers any type of mass destruction (weather it be natural or human made) we will leave together two civilizations. Sometimes I wonder, which would be easier to find? Would they consider our buildings, our paved streets and our millions of underground pipings to be natural? After all, technically, its all straight from our friend, the Periodic Table. What I'm saying is, that would the internet exist, would it be possible to disconnect all wires to it, any connection between the cyber world and the real world broken, and then, find it again. Or is it like Neverland - once you leave you can't go back? post comment

[26 Jan 2007|12:11am] [ mood | nostalgic ] Will there always be this struggle - this conflict between who I once was, and who I am now? Can they ever like each other, can they ever agree? Simply, no. What I've recently learned is that if I continue defining myself on how I used to think, then I'm being unfair. I deserve a critisism, not from a mind that is lost with age, but with a fresh outlook, the one I create daily. I'll never be happy if I keep focusing on The Way It Used To Be and how The Old Me would feel about The New Me. If only it were this easy, though, to say A + B = C and nothing else. Oh how I miss the OLD DAYZ. post comment

[28 Sep 2006|03:21pm] hey, so im going to spain :D :D :D 3 comments|post comment

[25 Sep 2006|03:50pm] facebook is the dumbest peice of shit ever. i refuse to check my account again. myspace is equally as lame, but at least i can make mine pretty. fuck off. post comment

[05 Jul 2006|10:07pm] [ mood | enthralled ] hahahaha. Friends Only. 7 comments|post comment

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